Shallow Heart

I like to think of my self as unselfish. That I am generous, and that I will put others needs first before my own. But when I look at my life as though it were someone else's, I can't make myself see it that way. It's just too much of a stretch. I have taken the smallest measure of selflessness and became over-satisfied. I might serve other people their food first, or give them the more desirable portions, but I don't really care what or when I eat. So that might be called nice, but it couldn't be considered anything more. I didn't put them before me. I gave what I did not miss.
But in the rest of my live I become cross when what I want or consider mine is delayed when I can't go on the run I had planed, or when helping someone makes me not finish the work I thought important.

But the fountain of Joy I desire is elusive. It cannot be gained by pursuing it. MY desire for ME to have joy must be set aside, and I must Give joy.

"For it is more blessed to Give than to receive."

I want it...

But is it worth it? I want to be more careful about where I use my money. I like to spend it on fun things (especially if they are low cost) but I've been thinking a lot about how much excess I have. I have more clothes than I can fit in my room, and some families don't have enough to clothe their children. I can snack whenever I want, hungry or not, and some brothers and sisters don't know if they will be able to feed their families. I have entertainment at my fingertips, and some are fleeing for their very lives. I have more books than I will be able to read in several years, and some Christians have never even seen a Bible, much less owned one.

Maybe if we, who live in abundance, were to put aside the money we wanted to spend on ourselves, we could use it to relieve MUCH of the suffering of our fellow saints. Who knows? If all Christian kids didn't buy ice cream for a year, would we have saved enough money to provide a country with Bibles? If we girls just used the clothes we have until they REALLY need replaced, could we clothe the naked children?

If we Seek First God's kingdom, How much could His kingdom grow on this earth??

P.S.
I looked up how much money America spent on ice cream per year... roughly $2,400,000,000