Sunday, March 6, 2011

Shallow Heart

I like to think of my self as unselfish. That I am generous, and that I will put others needs first before my own. But when I look at my life as though it were someone else's, I can't make myself see it that way. It's just too much of a stretch. I have taken the smallest measure of selflessness and became over-satisfied. I might serve other people their food first, or give them the more desirable portions, but I don't really care what or when I eat. So that might be called nice, but it couldn't be considered anything more. I didn't put them before me. I gave what I did not miss.
But in the rest of my live I become cross when what I want or consider mine is delayed when I can't go on the run I had planed, or when helping someone makes me not finish the work I thought important.

But the fountain of Joy I desire is elusive. It cannot be gained by pursuing it. MY desire for ME to have joy must be set aside, and I must Give joy.

"For it is more blessed to Give than to receive."

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